Same life; wrong shoes

       Same life, and the Wrong damn shoes........again!

Ever have those days?  Trying to avoid all the mirrors in the house.  No sleep, no down time, no patience, and no sex!!  All that pent up anger.  "a slice of pizza with some resentment, please."  Something that will sit high in the stomach getting riper by the second...Time for some antacid.....[joke].."The Arabic version of ALKA-SELTZER is basically the same product, Just sold under a different name.  It's called."Al-qaeda-Seltzer".  Dissolved correctly, once they hit the stomach they just simply explode."..

SAME OLD LIFE;...remember that moment of clarity, when you looked at your life at one point in living and thought....shit!,these were the cards I was dealt?... "I know , I'll use trickery to achieve satisfaction"....only joking.....take it easy..... This is when we get to prove our genius as a person.
       Hardships are like a classroom, and shoes that don't fit.  When your in them, no one seems to be paying attention anyway!!...So, I just take a step back and realize, "yeah, I'm just as goofy as the guy next to me"..so. I slow down and enjoy the High....Check out the photo of one of our supposedly 'links in the chain'..., do ya think this poor guy ain't wishing he was handed some different shoes on the wheel of fortune?....I can remember when I took that photo, I was standing just underneath him and for some reason he would not look at me.  Probably wished he could get his hands around my damn neck if he could, he was just completely indifferent to me....that bastard!...mmmm...
     So, it was right about now when I was delivered a afternoon[ Ah-Ha moment.]  I started looking around the zoo, and damn if there was not alot of other things in the wrong shoes.  And I was not  just looking at the animals in the cages! It was us bi-peds that interested me.  At least we [humans] have the power to make changes and choices, but these Poor guys.  All hemmed up like that and your instinct is telling you that this is all wrong.
      You don't have to be in a cage to have the wrong shoes.  For a very long time I have been locked up in my own cage,and because of MY CHOICES, I picked the wrong shoes.  Being homeless, you have the freedom to be very mobile and there comes with that the illusion of a "romantic freedom".  You know, like they show on TV,and in movies....It is a shame that so many actually believe that if " I saw it on TV, well it must be true!"...Hate to bust another's bubble, but it is not like that at all, it is lonely, it is hard, and it feels like the title of this blog, like I have on the wrong shoes.
     So when I wake up in the morning, and get dressed, I pick my best dirty clothes, and my foot attire has changed.  I think that I'm going to start wearing my sandals, it's time for me to unlock this cage, after all, the key has always been with me, I just never took the time to find it..... 

An Honest Exchange.{trampdown log}

     I've met a few 'taxpayers" in my time out here.  Most are pretty good people.  You meet some who are good compassionate folks.  There are those who[to them],homelessness is the equal to meeting a alien from mars.  They look at you with eyes wide and there is something in those eyes that say."How could this happen to a person".  They listen, but many do not hear.  The public has been brainwashed into believing that the poor and homeless are some how responsible for the whole situation, and that is very wrong..."They got themselves into this, let them get themselves out". That one answer is always a hoot. When ever I come across statements like this I see it for what it really is and it gives me a good idea who i am dealing with.  It is just a lazy way to mask indifference.
    I remember when I would think and act like that.  Pretending to care, only because I did not care....whew!...sound's like a lot of work just to hide indifference.  That is exactly what I see in their eyes.  'Work'.  They are working hard to understand.  How can a person explain something like hunger, if you never have been hungry?  So, how do I expect someone to understand a hunger they have never felt?...You can't.  Oh, you will get a lot of "really","wow", "yes, yes" and head shaking.  That is how the verbal exchanges go, that is unless you start talking about the pertinent topics on the current situations that seem to be destroying our government.   Effecting our world and the generations that are yet to follow.  How this country is viewed by the world and how we see ourselves.  That usually throws them out of step for a minute or two.
     Out here I call this entertainment.  It's free, it's a choice, it's reality.  But most of all, it's commerical free.  Unlike cable TV.  Unless you count the advertising feces which is smeared on everything.  {new product; "HOBO-BE-GONE", TITLE OF COMING BLOG}. If you watch or listen to mainstream radio or TV.  You will be bombarded with a constant dialogue of fear.  It's  a very easy process , scare the public into thinking that they need something, show them a product, and bingo!...You got your self one "consumer".  And a consumer who will buy something that they really do not need.
    When someone approaches me out here, I am most of the time receptive to their curiosity,and the questions.  Believe me, I enjoy conversation that stimulates my brain into areas that have been sleeping.  All I ask is a Honest exchange.  Even the other homeless know when "taxpayers" are satisfying some need to make themselves feel good by "helping". 
     "Shut the fuck up", that is a Honest exchange out here on the street, wouldn't you like to just once see and hear someone tell our "elected officials" that...Just once, really.  If you did, you would have my respect and most of all, my vote!  My time being homeless is coming to a end, and soon I will be off the street[whew!],but for now, for today, I will go to Lake Eola, and meet up with my fellow travelers and enjoy some "honest exchange".  So have a wonderful day, and shut the fuck up!!....no offense!



'

 "ALL  I WANTED TO BE WAS A......DANCER!!!!"

Like a Movie in my Head

     Sitting in my living room, I was flipping through the endless supply of choices on the T.V.  When my 6 year old daughter came running into the room with a book in her hand.  Alison kept waving the book around saying "it's like a movie in my head", "it's like a movie in my head".  She said it over and over , while she smiled and laughed.  I thought that she has brain damage or something..So, I was sitting there with the 'devil tool' in my hand(the remote).  I was stumped.  I did not understand what she was trying to tell me.

     I told her, "honey I don't understand what you are trying to say".  Alison shook the book and moved it close to me and said it again "It's like a movie in my head papi"....{daddy dog look}....Then I got it!. I had been reading to Alison lately and she obviously started to read on her own.  We sat there smiling at each other.  I remember thinking, what a beautiful child, all children, when you can be there when they discover something for the first time. Her discovery was my joy.  An innocent child's connection into the endless possibilities of imagination that reading can produce, and I was made part of that!

OUI,OUI, Ronnie!!.....Trampdown log

    A few times a week I go to a McDonald's on Orange Ave, here in Orlando.  It's a 'special' Mac's.  It has the illustrious title of 'Bistro".  McDonald's Bistro....Sounds so European...Ahhhh, no better feeling than drinking coffee in my Fau-Pax European McDonald's....it is truly a very special moment in my existence....  "OUI,OUI, Ronnie", that is the title of the French edition.....Hobo heaven comes cheap for me this morning.  It's a cigarette and "Senior cup of coffee".24 hrs McDonald's, What a country.  The first time I finished with my food I walked up to the trashcan and pushed it open and the damn thing said 'thank you!"...

     I stopped in mid-movement and gave it a "doglook", and thought , wow, even the trashcan talks, or I could be having a really good flashback and I am misinterpreting the whole episode........But, no, that trashcan said "thank you."  After my dog-observation I went and sat down.  {Ah-Ha moment}...Time for a experiment, yeah, a Field test you could say.  Now, I'll just finish my coffee and begin my experiment.  This could prove to be a good day after all..

     True:, The trash can said 'thank you", now its time to approach the bi-ped's and see what I come up with.  I approach the counter and order something to eat and another coffee.  Keeping at all times a friendly eye contact posture and look.  But nothing, she was friendly in voice, and smiled, but no  "thank you"...hummm, Something wrong here..On the way to my table I grab some sugar and move to the trash can and throw my coffee top inside and I'll be damned, this one, on this side of the room also answered "thank you"...Two of them!!, This is going to make it much harder to vote on employee of the month....What is even going to be harder is when I ask the girl at the counter if I am aloud to also vote for employee of the month, and how do I nominate the one trashcan that I have picked out?...

     This is truly a dilemma.  I observed One girl, who seems to have a aura of compassion around her and I approach.. Being homeless, I have those days when money has been a little tighter than normal and your appearance is the first thing that goes. You don't have any clean clothes to wear, so you pick from your "laundry bag" your best dirty clothes. And that was where I was at this time.  Kind of "in-between"...lol, So after I asked her about the "employee of the month and if I could vote , and that I nominate the trash can on the right.  She just stared at me for a minute. They must have a "panic button" in Mac's, because her hand slipped just below the counter and like magic, two managers and a maintenance man showed up!... Hmmm..  Like I've said, depending on how you look, the reaction of others will dictate this. You could be greeted with a smile, a laugh,some anger,or indifference.....I was handed a "TRESPASS WARNING"......lol    Oh well, back to Subways!!!!
 

THE DONUT QUEEN..trampdown log

      We stumbled in early one morning.  In my pocket was a Dunkin Donuts gift card.  A friend gave it to me and said that there was at least 5 dollars on it.  Well, I was wrong....damn!...Marathon Man and I stood there looking at the young girl with the pretty smile and sort of asked her if she could 'spare" us a cup of coffee. {awkward silence}....for a few seconds we all just looked at each other and she said "I'll have to ask my manager"....another damn!...Marathon Man and I looked at each other as she went into the back room to ask her manager, and I could see the look on Marathon Mans face, he was thinking the same as me, kindred spirits, experienced hobo's, or just two homeless men in need of coffee.....{now lets see that good old American compassion in action}....She returns with her manager, an obese women, I use the word obese only because I am trying to be kind.  Some people you can just look at and know they are miserable and we hit the jackpot here!  I was right....

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!"

    She proclaimed in a voice that was louder than it really needed to be.  Thank God there were no customers, only the employees, and the look of disgust on their faces, was not directed at us, but at her...it was obvious she was the worst type of manager anyone could work for.  The girl stood behind her and mouthed "I'm sorry"..which made Marathon Man and myself smile, and this infuriated the "donut Queen'.....but she had a audience now, and her wrath will be shown to all....

    Marathon Man glanced at me and said in his "hippie, 60's dialect"...."WOW, MAN"!.....We both started laughing and this just put her over the top....How dare these two homeless "things" laugh at her....The Donut Queen!!!....So, in a even louder voice she made it clear "that we better not be asking any of her customers for money"...[panhandling, just like the politicians do come election time,but for some reason we think that is okay...hmmmm]   Okay, you have to picture this, it's 5:00 am, and not one single person is even moving around out there, and there is no one in here!...I look around the store, and Marathon man looks around and we say together, 'what customers?".....we laughed, the employees laughed, and well the "Donut Queen"  ....did not... go  figure that!....I knew Marathon man was going to say something and what he said was classic, first his standard 'wow,man', and then  "I think you have some jelly from a donut on your shirt."...  She looked down but I was already heading out the door and the last thing I heard was Marathon Man laughing, the 'Donut Queen", ranting and her staff laughing...............The simplicity of a kind act, of just doing something good was lost on the "Donut Queen"....

The tree....[trampdown log]

SOFT AND COOL

THE WIND CARRIES THEM ALL

YELLOW TO BROWN

THE LEAFS WILL FALL

BUT THE TREE STANDS TALL

THROUGH THE SEASONS THAT CALL

AND WHEN YOU STAND ALONE

IT IS THE HARDEST SEASON OF ALL

s.b.e.

No Words spoken [TRAMPDOWN LOG]

    I long to walk in a morning forest.  My hand in yours, quiet, peaceful and content.  My eyes meet yours, we smile, we kiss, no words are spoken......[love]