Coming Blogs, Trampdown Log

The Infection........

That tough Opinion

The Cell Door

The "Coal of The Wild",  A Tramp Travels...

These are a few of the titles that I have been working on. 

TRAMPDOWN LOG,July,2012....Rainy Sunday Morning

     Here I am again at the edge of a highway and that funny feeling is starting to make me nervous.  I'm surprised I lasted this long, being "hemed' up with others.  I haven't been in prison, or jailed, I've been "indoors."   I was lucky enough to have been in the right place at the right time, and someone offered to give me a, kind of , "break from the storm", I guess you could say.......Alot of changes occur when you make a transition from the street to a house, especially after being in "trampdown" mode for 18 months...And as with all changes they come with a price.  I wrote this while sitting in a coffee shop one Sunday morning as I greeted all the fellows, As they slowly made their way to shelter, for it had been raining all night, and no one was dry..
     I don't know if I will ever understand why,but it is here, that I find life full of energy.  It is here that I find all the simple things, extraordinary.  Why is it that coffee tastes better when one is wet and cold?....Watching the rain I've come to the conclusion that is is not a bad day, it is not a good day, it is only a day....And one I have been blessed with to remain vertical....I  now realize that bad days are when I just sit around, and think of what I once had, compared to what I have now.  That is a dangerous place to be, because I always seem to fall short.  So, I'll watch the rain this Sunday morning and enjoy something that I take for granted ,.... like rain!   I'm staring at a puddle of water and my thoughts are on this balancing act I try to achieve on a daily basis.  I don't know why I find it easier being outside at times, than I do when I am inside....
     This is not true for every situation, but this last venture was at times chaotic and distracting.  What I do not want to do is blame.  That helps nothing.  Blaming, pointing fingers, serves no purpose, but only reinforces the immature part of myself that seems to rely on revenge and the childish need to "always be right."....The positive, out-weighted the negative by far!..I will be forever grateful to the man who pulled myself, and two others from the fire.  There are people in this world who help those who fall, and then there are those special people who reach into the fire and offer a hand, Knowing that they also might get burned.  And that is the definition of courage.  A lesson for us all.   He gave us "all" a chance to get stable, and a break from the storm.
     So, these skies will clear, and it will be time to move on.  When new becomes old it is a sign for a "traveler."  As the walls become closer, I step back.  Always keeping my eye on the door.  It must remain open for me.  I must remain free to come and go as I please.  I guess this is a part of that balancing thing I was talking about..  Some days I walk around looking for a story.  It seems most of us are on our way somewhere.  A destination, a place. 
    As I was writing this a friend walked up to me and said he was getting his bike fixed today and was taking off to another city, and would be returning around X-mas time....Another traveler in search of his destination.  I guess that is apart of his "balancing act."   I wished him luck, and to be safe.  Anyone can go to a travel agency, and sign up for a bus tour.  Every stop ridgely planned and timed.  But, Tramps,Travelers, Wayward people, whatever you wish to call us, doesn't matter.  We know the choices that we make, we are not victim's of circumstance.   The ability, the creativity it takes to live in a constant "state of without", is truly a form of art....We are all artists in one way or another.  Just as I believe that we are all poets in our own time.   You do not have to be having "hobo moments" in your life to be creative.  Open minded helps, being respectful is very important. 
    Ya know, the years I have spent in "trampdown mode", it never ceases to amaze me when the homeless where cruel and mean to each other.  We cry out for love and understanding, but most of the times we are the last to give it to each other!!  So I understand the public's view to us ...the homeless..
    No matter where I end up in my life, inside or outside, rich or poor, in good health or bad health.  I will always have a bit of "Tramp" in me.   The word poor has taken on a whole new meaning in my life.  It has nothing to do with money or anything material.  That cold, wet, morning when I wake up and have a simple cup of hot coffee to drink, and look around to see my fellow travelers, smiling, greeting me, shaking my hand, just showing a honest concern for me, It is here that I know I am a wealthy man.   Who would of thought...from a "Barstool Guru" to a "Happy hobo."...wow!...
    Only God could have done this....Nobody will tell me different!..........
So ends today's Trampdown log.....GOD BLESS!!  
        

Hobo Horseshoe Festival [Trampdown date-log]

     They came from miles around.  Cheap beer and free food.  And like a wounded animal that gives off the scent of vulnerability.  This scent hit every corner of the city. "somebody is giving something away."  Every hobo felt it, and every hobo knew it..  It's the Hobo Horseshoe Festival!!
     All I was hoping for  on this morning was, some  quiet time, coffee, and a cigarette. But it seemed I was in the right place at the right time.  The migration had begun with The first arrivals.  And I got to be witness.   At that moment, on that bench, was my first "Ah-Ha" moment for the day. BOING!!!!   Not only am I going to have coffee and a cigarette, but entertainment too!!!  When Hobo's gather it is a terrific event.  The sounds, the sights, and unfortunatly the smells.  I hear the first shopping cart at about 06:46, no wait,....two shopping carts!!!  One from north orange, and one from south orange.  They have not seen each other.......yet.  Rattle,rattle,shake,shake goes the one front wheel of both carts. As they are being pushed over cement .  You know what I mean.  Remember how when you go shopping and you just happen to have the one cart with the deformed front wheel..  Your walking down the Isle and it's making so much damn noise that other people are looking at you...lol...the only difference is that your cart in the store might weigh 130-150 pounds. These each weigh over 300 pounds....The carts, that is,.... not the person.  just wanted to clear that up.... Because there have been times in certain stores when I have been up late and went to this certain store and some of the people must of weighed at least 300 plus...But here, it's the carts.
     You know that you might have 'over shopped" a little when each of your 5 children are pushing a "grocery cart" at 3 in the morning..  that should be a Ah-Ha moment for you if you are ever in this situation.
I'm wondering if any of these guys coming even know how to play horseshoes.  Some of the old timers probably do, but we have some really young guys out here.  Last time one of the 'contestents" stole most of the horse-shoes, so he could turn them in to the recycling point.. It's really hell trying to play shoes with only 2 shoes for 24 guys, games take forever!!
    Well, here they come, so I better hide my cigarettes, and enjoy the show.  If you have never witnessed a event like this, it is wonderful for the ffamily and kids....Watching us tramps just trying to form a line is usually the main event.  Just don't get envolved with arguments that have to deal with common sense or whose shopping cart is prettier, trust me, it's a no win battle.... The Walmart here in Orlando has these shopping carts that if you go past the yellow line, the front wheel will freeze up.  You have probably seen them, well they had to discontinue the program because after the first day, they had over 35 homeless people who were walking around the parking lots pushing loaded carts, afraid to go over the yellow line.  It was quite commical.  Marathon Man, and myself sat up under some trees and watched from a distance as this event unfolded.  Look, you can be homeless and misrable, or you can take situations like this and use it for entertainment.....I choose entertainment....Well,  "The Hobo horseshoe festival", sould be starting soon, and I kind of want to be their for the first event, I m sure there will be more to write about before this day is done.......

TIN and TINNETTE

This is the story of a man and a women.  We will call the man Tin and the women is named Tinnette.  It's a  love story.  It's a long distance love story, but whether it is long distance or a short distance, love is the centerpiece of the tale of TIN and Tinnette.  Tin was a homeless man, living on the streets of a southern city, and Tinette was a decent, hard working women living in South American city.  Through the magic of the Internet, and the loneliness of Facebook, Tin and Tinnette met.....It was love at first "key stroke"...one could say. There are those who say, Internet relationships are not real, or foolish, well let them say such things.  For these are the same people who have no relationships themselves.  Even when a person might be sitting right next to them, so always consider the source of such negative opinions.
     To fall in love with a persons words, their thoughts,is much more intimate than their touch.  Just think of the bonus of love making, when their words have already brought you  A  happiness and joy.
[more to come].....

USED TIRE WORLD

• Inspiration comes in many forms.  God blessed me with inspiration one day as I was on my way to work.. Sitting at a stop light early one morning I just happened to glance over to my right and saw this "Used Tire World" sign.  And like a bullet to my head, I began to smile and in a nano second I thought , "Ain't that the truth!"  "Used Tire world ".....wow...... That was exactly how I felt for so long, like a old used tire....because physically, mentally, and spiritually I was so empty.  ....Sort of Flat...it was actually a spiritual moment, for God was getting my attention, God was inspiring me.  I was being kept in spirit of the moment.  I can remember through the years and pick out moments of clarity, but I always attributed those with either too much coffee, or one of the many substances I might have be using at the time....lol...
•  For some, addiction is no laughing matter, and making light of it upsets them, well.....I am not one of those....I have cried all the tears I can, and Lord knows I've produced enough misery for not only myself ,but to those who knew and loved me.  That is why I am smiling like a idiot at the benign sign with the huge red letters.."USED TIRE WORLD."   Inspiration has me smiling and it was at this same moment I wondered where did that thought come from?.. To be inspired is to be in spirit.  It started me asking myself, where is the source of that type of thinking?....How does it arrive?..Why does it arrive?  But most of all, What do I do with it?...
• It has taken me many years, good and bad situations to see the "truth" about the first question.  In the past, "I" would always take credit...."I" was the center of the universe, and "I" was in control....(let me say right now, this attitude, kind of didn't work out)....  At this stage in my life I am probably only in control of my bladder, and that is also starting to go...lol.... 
• God provides my inspiration.  It is that simple. Every good answer, every good option, everything that is good and every good choice I make is me, moving toward God......"USED TIRE WORLD"...all this came to me from these three small words. 
• If inspiration can come to me from a sign, I can only imagine the wonderful possibilities and the endless joy that a life with God first will bring me.....I think is is time to change the tires on my "spiritual ride."   God bless.....     TRAMPDOWN LOG..28 MAY,2012

The Table

    I sat back in my chair and looked at the three men who sat around the table.  I can remember when we were just little boys, and our only real worries in life was if our school homework was done, or if we would win our next baseball game.  Now here we were 40 years later, grown men.  Even though I haven't seen them in so long, my love and affection for them has grown.  It took this gathering for me to realize that.  I am overwhelmed with emotion as I listen and look at them, but I keep it to myself.
     The friends, and bonds we make between the ages of 10-15 years of age are special.  And sadly never to be seen or felt again.  I remember how that thought would make me sad, even melancholy.....Now hearing their voices, seeing their faces, but most of all hearing them laugh.  I never realized it a the time, but our childhood friends supply us with many wonderful things.  Companionship, support, a sense of belonging and most of all, our sense of identity, and who we are.  It's a big part of who we eventually come to be in life.
      When age hits me,as it will do with us all, and decides to steal my memories, I hope and pray these are the ones that will remain with me until the last of my life.  The smiling faces of my friends.  I do not want this time to end.  I want this day to go on forever.....Mike

The Book Bag Man; Trampdown log

    He lives under a bridge like a troll, The Book Bag man.  Everywhere he goes, he [as you guessed it],carries a bag with books in it.  He is constantly reading.  I pass him at least 2-3 times a day. Doesn't speak much.  Don't blame him, sometimes it is so much more peaceful when you can rely on no one for conversation.  It is a gift to be able to be alone with ones self and be comfortable.  You do not necessarily have to be "anti-social", but just being alone is a okay spot...reading can produce that.  Reading and writing, it teaches me a new window of love that I never understood existed.
    To be intimate with not only one's self, but with the characters I create and the "real life" characters that I come in contact with every day.  Being kind, I guess.  Kinder to myself and to others...I/we have so much true power as we live.  So small at first, but comes the day we 'wake-up" a little faster than normal and our eyes have changed.  How many times have we been in a place very familiar to us, and that one time we just seem to notice something good about it. It feels good. Like a puzzle being put together. It just all seems to fit into place....."yeah, it Fits". Try to remember the last time you watched a sunset and that feeling it can pull out of you.  The feeling of "it all fits"....
      That was my first reaction to The Book Bag man...he "fit".  He fit under his bridge, he fit sitting where he does and surrounded by his bags,  it all simply fit.  I speak with him sometimes, but all I can ever get out of him is "yes, yes, yes".  While he nods his head, and for all I know he could be looking at me saying "yes", and in his mind he has me visioned standing there wearing a bunny outfit with a banana shoved up my ass!..Who knows what others are really thinking?..Maybe to him, picturing me like that , it also fits!..lol..Have a good day.......Ale!!    how are you Tinette?

Faces in The Crowd..[trampdown-log]

     All the faces , in all the crowds.  As the years pass, and time moves us forward.  Where have they all gone?  This last year, out here on the road, so many have come and gone like rain on a summer afternoon.  Some I remember with a smile, and then there are those that I remember with a distant stare. Faces are filled with stories and life.  Some of us wear our life and others live one.   I have been on both sides of that story.  For in someones story, I have also became just another face in the crowd.  The last year and a half living on the streets of Orlando has been in the very least, a real struggle with my inner self and the struggles of others.   It never bothered me to meet new faces, it was just when the faces began to talk and speak.  That's when [after the road had worn me down], that I would breath a heavy sigh, and my mind would drift away.
     I can never understand why so many people find it necessary to fill quiet space with needless conversation?..It's like...They always have to explain every situation or moment with a reason.....It does not!!....There are so many times I do not even know how to reply or if I even should.  A ll of us are our own individual story.  No doubt about it.  That is a fact.  But not every story needs to be told, and if it is....Please, just tell it once!!.. [thank God for mans ability to daydream].  When I see crowds of people.  I see stories.  Faces are a very good indication of the stories that reside within us.  Now, the quality of the story pretty much depends on the teller of the story.  If the face is uncreative, then the story will more than likely be a flat, boring, repetitive string of events...I'm guilty of it.  Who is not?  A good sign of a boring story is when the listener starts picking their nose or drops their pants and relives some bodily fluid...lol....
     That is a really good sign the the listener is not enjoying your story.  [actually had that happen].  Some "yarns", are like watching a very bad movie or sit-com.  You know it's bad when you actually become embarrassed for the actors.  Ever watch one of those?...If not, just watch some of Steven Segal movies...wow, I think they come with directions on his movies, so you understand why  a Ice pick is attached to the CD set, so you can at anytime start stabbing yourself in the eyes and get it over quick...[sorry Segal fans]....Just watch mainstream TV for a while.  It is full of uncreative garbage and "just another face in the crowd shows.  One will disappear and another will be right behind it.
     QUOTE: What is now new, was once old,  just made visible.....THOREAU...[paraphrased].......
    Remember when we were all teenagers and all the cool things we discovered.  Actually thinking we deserved some kind of patent on a situation or phrase we thought that we invented..Youth is a wonderful, funny road.  Being young is sort of like being another "face in the crowd".  One of the millions, in the millions of crowds.  I must of drove my parents crazy with my needless chatter, explaining everything that they already knew.  Under normal circumstances I would have more patience with others, but this last 19 months of being homeless there is nothing normal about this area of life....Not one day is normal, not one!...My life, your life, our lives, for we are just "faces in the crowd".
    So, the next time you are in a crowd, take the time to scan the faces of our fellow humans.  I might be in there some where, I'll be easy to see, I'll be picking my nose!!!   lol   have a great day..

NO SECRETS...trampdown log]

            I was standing on the edge of a highway last Saturday.  It was a typical Florida hot afternoon.  One of the many endless days I have chalked up in my wanderers logbook.  Cars coming from both directions.  Passing so close that the breeze from their momentum was a welcomed relief from the heat.  I think most people,  would prefer a fan or air-conditioner, but there is no room on my back, so I,ve learned to take my blessings where and when I can get them.....One would zip pass in one direction, while the other would speed past in the other direction....Destination's ..unknown.  Can you relate?
      Most of my adult life has been like this here highway.  Whatever I chose, I simply did.  Never caring about direction or even at times the consequence's  of the direction.  If my conscience did push upward, I would simply push it away.  That's the rules I accepted when I chose a life without faith.  Because It was always about me, what I wanted, and what I needed.  I offer no excuses, or blame to anyone, or on anyone.  I know now that is why I have stood on far too many highways with the sun in my face, or the cold seeping through, smoking cigarettes.....waiting....just waiting for the wind to encourage me on.
      There were times it was the wind, there were times it was hunger and addiction[which kind of go together], and of course there was the few times it was love.  Now there are also many types of love.  The love of a women, and the need to be touched.  I've never really minded being lonely, but it is when we feel "unloved".  That's the killer....We've all felt that sting.... The love of being free has always been strong in a wayward man.  One of the most difficult tasks of a wandering man is loving a women and loving his freedom.  It's hard, if not totally impossible.  How does one love someone, when they know that in the morning that this person could be gone?...
      There have been songs written, and sung, books and movies, and poets who have touched us all with their romantic portrayals of  a wayward  life, But reading and  watching can provide no justice to a 'open highway", more than actually living it.   Many times there is nothing romantic about it.  For how does one teach a person hunger.  How do you explain that?  Along with loneliness, and being unsure of one's self?
     All this came to me as I lite up a cigarette on a Saturday afternoon, on the edge of a highway.
S.B.E.

TOWARD THE SUN.......

TOWARD THE SUN


I FOUND YOU IN MY DREAMS LAST NIGHT
SWIMMING IN MY HEART,
WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL,GENTLE LIGHT

YOU CAME TO ME IN THE NIGHT SO YOUNG
DANCING IN MY SOUL,
WITH THE SONG YOU SUNG

NAKED AND ALONE
WE MOVED TOWARD THE SUN

HAND IN HAND
WE SLOWLY BECAME ONE

OUR LOVE WAS FOUND
WITH PATIENCE AND FAITH

AS WE WALK GODS PATH
WE WILL ALWAYS BE SAFE

SO THE MORNING COMES
AND THE  DREAM WILL FADE

BUT OUR LOVE REMAINS,
 IN THE DREAM WE MADE.......

S.B.E.

The Three Homeless Michael's...lake eola

     There we were.  A Saturday night and three Michael's sitting on a park bench.  Kind of surreal.  When I thought about it.  It made me laugh,(chuckled).  Very much a Kodak moment.  The problem is, some of the people whom I "run" with here, well... do not always get my humor.  So it's one of those hidden chuckles. But I didn't hide it well.   When they looked at me, I just pretended that I had to cough...God forbid that anyone show a softer side to others.  Gotta keep up that "macho" image.  Here we are, sitting on a park bench, homeless, broke, hungry, and dirty, but we still, well,some, not all of us, still want to portray some type of "tough guy" image..
     I always sit back and enjoy the show.  Some days it is provided by us "tramps", or sometimes the "earth people".   So, there we were, "The three Homeless Michael's".....What a goofy thought!!!!

Same life; wrong shoes

       Same life, and the Wrong damn shoes........again!

Ever have those days?  Trying to avoid all the mirrors in the house.  No sleep, no down time, no patience, and no sex!!  All that pent up anger.  "a slice of pizza with some resentment, please."  Something that will sit high in the stomach getting riper by the second...Time for some antacid.....[joke].."The Arabic version of ALKA-SELTZER is basically the same product, Just sold under a different name.  It's called."Al-qaeda-Seltzer".  Dissolved correctly, once they hit the stomach they just simply explode."..

SAME OLD LIFE;...remember that moment of clarity, when you looked at your life at one point in living and thought....shit!,these were the cards I was dealt?... "I know , I'll use trickery to achieve satisfaction"....only joking.....take it easy..... This is when we get to prove our genius as a person.
       Hardships are like a classroom, and shoes that don't fit.  When your in them, no one seems to be paying attention anyway!!...So, I just take a step back and realize, "yeah, I'm just as goofy as the guy next to me"..so. I slow down and enjoy the High....Check out the photo of one of our supposedly 'links in the chain'..., do ya think this poor guy ain't wishing he was handed some different shoes on the wheel of fortune?....I can remember when I took that photo, I was standing just underneath him and for some reason he would not look at me.  Probably wished he could get his hands around my damn neck if he could, he was just completely indifferent to me....that bastard!...mmmm...
     So, it was right about now when I was delivered a afternoon[ Ah-Ha moment.]  I started looking around the zoo, and damn if there was not alot of other things in the wrong shoes.  And I was not  just looking at the animals in the cages! It was us bi-peds that interested me.  At least we [humans] have the power to make changes and choices, but these Poor guys.  All hemmed up like that and your instinct is telling you that this is all wrong.
      You don't have to be in a cage to have the wrong shoes.  For a very long time I have been locked up in my own cage,and because of MY CHOICES, I picked the wrong shoes.  Being homeless, you have the freedom to be very mobile and there comes with that the illusion of a "romantic freedom".  You know, like they show on TV,and in movies....It is a shame that so many actually believe that if " I saw it on TV, well it must be true!"...Hate to bust another's bubble, but it is not like that at all, it is lonely, it is hard, and it feels like the title of this blog, like I have on the wrong shoes.
     So when I wake up in the morning, and get dressed, I pick my best dirty clothes, and my foot attire has changed.  I think that I'm going to start wearing my sandals, it's time for me to unlock this cage, after all, the key has always been with me, I just never took the time to find it..... 

An Honest Exchange.{trampdown log}

     I've met a few 'taxpayers" in my time out here.  Most are pretty good people.  You meet some who are good compassionate folks.  There are those who[to them],homelessness is the equal to meeting a alien from mars.  They look at you with eyes wide and there is something in those eyes that say."How could this happen to a person".  They listen, but many do not hear.  The public has been brainwashed into believing that the poor and homeless are some how responsible for the whole situation, and that is very wrong..."They got themselves into this, let them get themselves out". That one answer is always a hoot. When ever I come across statements like this I see it for what it really is and it gives me a good idea who i am dealing with.  It is just a lazy way to mask indifference.
    I remember when I would think and act like that.  Pretending to care, only because I did not care....whew!...sound's like a lot of work just to hide indifference.  That is exactly what I see in their eyes.  'Work'.  They are working hard to understand.  How can a person explain something like hunger, if you never have been hungry?  So, how do I expect someone to understand a hunger they have never felt?...You can't.  Oh, you will get a lot of "really","wow", "yes, yes" and head shaking.  That is how the verbal exchanges go, that is unless you start talking about the pertinent topics on the current situations that seem to be destroying our government.   Effecting our world and the generations that are yet to follow.  How this country is viewed by the world and how we see ourselves.  That usually throws them out of step for a minute or two.
     Out here I call this entertainment.  It's free, it's a choice, it's reality.  But most of all, it's commerical free.  Unlike cable TV.  Unless you count the advertising feces which is smeared on everything.  {new product; "HOBO-BE-GONE", TITLE OF COMING BLOG}. If you watch or listen to mainstream radio or TV.  You will be bombarded with a constant dialogue of fear.  It's  a very easy process , scare the public into thinking that they need something, show them a product, and bingo!...You got your self one "consumer".  And a consumer who will buy something that they really do not need.
    When someone approaches me out here, I am most of the time receptive to their curiosity,and the questions.  Believe me, I enjoy conversation that stimulates my brain into areas that have been sleeping.  All I ask is a Honest exchange.  Even the other homeless know when "taxpayers" are satisfying some need to make themselves feel good by "helping". 
     "Shut the fuck up", that is a Honest exchange out here on the street, wouldn't you like to just once see and hear someone tell our "elected officials" that...Just once, really.  If you did, you would have my respect and most of all, my vote!  My time being homeless is coming to a end, and soon I will be off the street[whew!],but for now, for today, I will go to Lake Eola, and meet up with my fellow travelers and enjoy some "honest exchange".  So have a wonderful day, and shut the fuck up!!....no offense!



'

 "ALL  I WANTED TO BE WAS A......DANCER!!!!"

Like a Movie in my Head

     Sitting in my living room, I was flipping through the endless supply of choices on the T.V.  When my 6 year old daughter came running into the room with a book in her hand.  Alison kept waving the book around saying "it's like a movie in my head", "it's like a movie in my head".  She said it over and over , while she smiled and laughed.  I thought that she has brain damage or something..So, I was sitting there with the 'devil tool' in my hand(the remote).  I was stumped.  I did not understand what she was trying to tell me.

     I told her, "honey I don't understand what you are trying to say".  Alison shook the book and moved it close to me and said it again "It's like a movie in my head papi"....{daddy dog look}....Then I got it!. I had been reading to Alison lately and she obviously started to read on her own.  We sat there smiling at each other.  I remember thinking, what a beautiful child, all children, when you can be there when they discover something for the first time. Her discovery was my joy.  An innocent child's connection into the endless possibilities of imagination that reading can produce, and I was made part of that!

OUI,OUI, Ronnie!!.....Trampdown log

    A few times a week I go to a McDonald's on Orange Ave, here in Orlando.  It's a 'special' Mac's.  It has the illustrious title of 'Bistro".  McDonald's Bistro....Sounds so European...Ahhhh, no better feeling than drinking coffee in my Fau-Pax European McDonald's....it is truly a very special moment in my existence....  "OUI,OUI, Ronnie", that is the title of the French edition.....Hobo heaven comes cheap for me this morning.  It's a cigarette and "Senior cup of coffee".24 hrs McDonald's, What a country.  The first time I finished with my food I walked up to the trashcan and pushed it open and the damn thing said 'thank you!"...

     I stopped in mid-movement and gave it a "doglook", and thought , wow, even the trashcan talks, or I could be having a really good flashback and I am misinterpreting the whole episode........But, no, that trashcan said "thank you."  After my dog-observation I went and sat down.  {Ah-Ha moment}...Time for a experiment, yeah, a Field test you could say.  Now, I'll just finish my coffee and begin my experiment.  This could prove to be a good day after all..

     True:, The trash can said 'thank you", now its time to approach the bi-ped's and see what I come up with.  I approach the counter and order something to eat and another coffee.  Keeping at all times a friendly eye contact posture and look.  But nothing, she was friendly in voice, and smiled, but no  "thank you"...hummm, Something wrong here..On the way to my table I grab some sugar and move to the trash can and throw my coffee top inside and I'll be damned, this one, on this side of the room also answered "thank you"...Two of them!!, This is going to make it much harder to vote on employee of the month....What is even going to be harder is when I ask the girl at the counter if I am aloud to also vote for employee of the month, and how do I nominate the one trashcan that I have picked out?...

     This is truly a dilemma.  I observed One girl, who seems to have a aura of compassion around her and I approach.. Being homeless, I have those days when money has been a little tighter than normal and your appearance is the first thing that goes. You don't have any clean clothes to wear, so you pick from your "laundry bag" your best dirty clothes. And that was where I was at this time.  Kind of "in-between"...lol, So after I asked her about the "employee of the month and if I could vote , and that I nominate the trash can on the right.  She just stared at me for a minute. They must have a "panic button" in Mac's, because her hand slipped just below the counter and like magic, two managers and a maintenance man showed up!... Hmmm..  Like I've said, depending on how you look, the reaction of others will dictate this. You could be greeted with a smile, a laugh,some anger,or indifference.....I was handed a "TRESPASS WARNING"......lol    Oh well, back to Subways!!!!
 

THE DONUT QUEEN..trampdown log

      We stumbled in early one morning.  In my pocket was a Dunkin Donuts gift card.  A friend gave it to me and said that there was at least 5 dollars on it.  Well, I was wrong....damn!...Marathon Man and I stood there looking at the young girl with the pretty smile and sort of asked her if she could 'spare" us a cup of coffee. {awkward silence}....for a few seconds we all just looked at each other and she said "I'll have to ask my manager"....another damn!...Marathon Man and I looked at each other as she went into the back room to ask her manager, and I could see the look on Marathon Mans face, he was thinking the same as me, kindred spirits, experienced hobo's, or just two homeless men in need of coffee.....{now lets see that good old American compassion in action}....She returns with her manager, an obese women, I use the word obese only because I am trying to be kind.  Some people you can just look at and know they are miserable and we hit the jackpot here!  I was right....

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!"

    She proclaimed in a voice that was louder than it really needed to be.  Thank God there were no customers, only the employees, and the look of disgust on their faces, was not directed at us, but at her...it was obvious she was the worst type of manager anyone could work for.  The girl stood behind her and mouthed "I'm sorry"..which made Marathon Man and myself smile, and this infuriated the "donut Queen'.....but she had a audience now, and her wrath will be shown to all....

    Marathon Man glanced at me and said in his "hippie, 60's dialect"...."WOW, MAN"!.....We both started laughing and this just put her over the top....How dare these two homeless "things" laugh at her....The Donut Queen!!!....So, in a even louder voice she made it clear "that we better not be asking any of her customers for money"...[panhandling, just like the politicians do come election time,but for some reason we think that is okay...hmmmm]   Okay, you have to picture this, it's 5:00 am, and not one single person is even moving around out there, and there is no one in here!...I look around the store, and Marathon man looks around and we say together, 'what customers?".....we laughed, the employees laughed, and well the "Donut Queen"  ....did not... go  figure that!....I knew Marathon man was going to say something and what he said was classic, first his standard 'wow,man', and then  "I think you have some jelly from a donut on your shirt."...  She looked down but I was already heading out the door and the last thing I heard was Marathon Man laughing, the 'Donut Queen", ranting and her staff laughing...............The simplicity of a kind act, of just doing something good was lost on the "Donut Queen"....

The tree....[trampdown log]

SOFT AND COOL

THE WIND CARRIES THEM ALL

YELLOW TO BROWN

THE LEAFS WILL FALL

BUT THE TREE STANDS TALL

THROUGH THE SEASONS THAT CALL

AND WHEN YOU STAND ALONE

IT IS THE HARDEST SEASON OF ALL

s.b.e.

No Words spoken [TRAMPDOWN LOG]

    I long to walk in a morning forest.  My hand in yours, quiet, peaceful and content.  My eyes meet yours, we smile, we kiss, no words are spoken......[love]

Subway's Soap opera....Trampdown;Date Log 2012

     There are mornings that I drink my first cup of coffee in a Subway's sandwich shop.  A homeless morning, waiting for a hobo moment.  It's cheap and the coffee Urn is outside in the lobby.  [homeless moment, something like a Ah-Ha moment]. This is like hitting the jackpot!  Pay for one, and have about three.  I know it's wrong, but that is why it is called a "Hobo" moment.  I offer no excuses.

     Ya know, as we move through this life we acquire "luggage".  Ideas, opinions, memories.  Good and bad.  It's all the ground work for our scripts.  The soap operas we call life.  Our own individual life's.  Now just walking into this Subway I have became a part of their Subway Soap opera... Isn't it great to be able to enter and exit a scene whenever we want?..Whenever I come in contact with others I enter a "soap opera".  We are all actors.  But, I mean it in a good way, it is essential to have all the diversity. I do what I do, and you, brother and sister, do what you have to. I think As long as we are kind to each other, that seems to work for me..But then again I thought smoking crack was a good idea!!....hey mike, how'd that turn out?..lol  ...
     This early in the morning, not too many people are in Subway's so I have the lobby[the urn], all to myself....YES!!....The girl who works there is really nice.  She gave Marathon man and myself a free sandwich and a coffee one time. One of the many "convenient store angels." Yes there are angels. And if you pay attention and remember your day, when you post up for the night.  You can look back at the day and remember the nice gestures that some have shown you.    Spend some time out here and you will cross paths with some.  Every story is riddled with them.  How some one at one time or another was handed or given a gesture of compassion..  It's powerful when this happens.  It can mean the difference between a good or bad day, just being in another's thoughts is a wonderful feeling...I guess they call that love, or some part of it.
     Oh yeah, this subway, it has it's own little soap opera going on,  Every time I have come here, when I use the bathroom to do a quick "bathroom B.wash", I find blunt wraps in the toilet, and the cigar tobacco in the toilet.  Got me to thinking, hmm, some one here I believe likes to get a ;little 'fucked-up!"....It's a good thing when a "sandwich technician" is a little stoned  when making that monstrous breakfast sandwich, they tend to be a little more "groovy" to the idea of extra cheese and whatever I ask...plus it's 05:15 in the Morning, and I have been the first customer in a least 3 hours.  I'm in heaven..."Morning Mr coffee urn, I'll be right with ya!." ....Check his eyes, yup, he is stoned out of his head.  Jackpot!  Second one this morning.  The manger comes out of the back room, she is a nice pretty little lady.  Very Polite, and also stoned!!!....
     Man, I have to see if the delivery driver is also smoking..lol...She starts doing something on the nights register, and seems to be having a little trouble with the mechanics of how it works, could be all those numbers and the pretty colors....wow.....lol...no no , she is cool..The "Sandwich technician" is a young black man and he asks me a question, and I answered 'white", ..I'm looking at him as I say this and his face just stopped all muscle movement...I thought, that's odd...And he asked me again.."WHAT'S, your favorite baseball team????" ...I thought he asked "what type of bread do you want?!"..."oh shit". ...He was pointing at my hat, it was a NEW YORK METS cap, and he obviously wanted to talk baseball, but I kind of threw it off track for a second, kind of funny when I think about it...Well, he asked again, "what kind of bread?"{smiling}...So, I had to answer, "METS"....We laughed, A happy, stoned,laughing, sandwich Tech., Triple jackpot!!!
     The breakfast sandwich he made was so big I ate some of it later that afternoon, and then the rest for my Pre-evening Vienna sausage fest!...mmmmmm.....VIENNA sausage, now that is a blog all it's own....Sitting in my favorite booth, I dive into the sandwich and come up for air about 2 minutes later...Damn, that is one good sandwich.  I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure that the Maker of this sandwich is also the maker of the blunt that I find laying around in the bathroom.  Not criticizing, just trying to figure out the actors in the Subway Soap...To them, I am just the Homeless guy who comes in every morning, and drinks coffee.  So I have my role down pretty good.  I know not to engage them in conversation or anything.  Just come in[enter stage,right] order, and then sit[exit stage]....
     Now I enjoy that first cup and begin to write....This is how I Begin most of my days..I have to look at all around me and try and put it into some kind of meaning.  If I don't, then what am I doing here?..You do not have to be homeless to have these types of perspectives. You shouldn't.  Everyday is a way for all of us to make a effort to belong. Or at least help another to have the good feeling of belonging....It is a fine place to be....in the arms of another persons thoughts......And right now, that "breakfast snadwich', has found it's purpose of belonging....in my stomach!!!......so ends Subway Soap Opera....

Sunday Train

     I can remember the day I left.  Standing on the train platform.  It was a warm Sunday morning.  Waiting on a train that I knew was taking me away for good.  There was no getting back together, or having her meet me in America, like we talked about...It's very sad when I think about it.  We would have all these drug induced conversations with all this foolish plans that both of us knew would never happen..[why do we do shit like that?]..Even as adults we still pretend. We pretended that it was something that we both wanted but deep down inside we knew, at least I thought it, it will never happen.  I just wanted to be so far away from there, and she no doubt wanted me as far as I could go.  Love?..I told her later in life that , "we really didn't have a relationship, it was more like a long date".  No counseling could of helped us, we needed a CSI team, our love was nothing short of a 'crime scene"....sad, but true....

     All of our "friends", were nowhere to be found.  Both of us just standing there, feeling uncomfortable with the situation, and afraid to speak what both of us knew....our last goodbye, and final kiss.  Too many 'I'm sorrys', and silent moments for us to repair any of this.  I knew this was the best way.  Not to save myself, but for her to also save herself.....I still see her standing their. Trying so hard not to cry. It was very tense for us both.  I kissed her and felt her tremble in my hands, she was so sad that it just simply broke my heart.  I hated myself for a long time after this and am honestly just now coming to terms with allot of wreckage, that floats up sometimes.  It's one of gifts that God has given us.  When we forgive ourselves.
       ........I know I'm not the only one to have ever felt this. I am not unique, there is nothing unique about when a person suffers, it's what we do to counter it that makes us prove our genius. A majority of us will feel {hopefully only once} that sting in our hearts.   Love, or what we thought love was.  For myself, love has changed.  Dramatically.  Funny how men shift from the bedroom right into the kitchen!..lol..Food baby!!...
     Okay, where was I?  Just as I was getting serious and making sense, I have to go off on some 'jokers path"....[sorry about that]...I guess the fact that I can joke about it is a good sign.  For a very long time I could not.  This one hurt.  I let it define a part of me that should never gain control.  But, that train has long since gone, many, many years ago, but there were times it felt like it was only yesterday.  I don't ever want to feel like that again, even today when I know someone who is feeling that way , it starts a  reaction in me....The madness of being alone, but not wanting to be alone.  Just the thought of that day brings back all these memories in waves....

I know, lets adopt a Serial killer!!!

{man and women,sitting in their living room.  Discussing whether or not to adopt a 45 year old serial killer }   [women making suggestion to husband] ..... Lets see, with all that life is throwing at us, and all our struggles that just happen too cross into our path,  I know!.... "Lets adopt a serial killer!!...."That should make things a lot easier!   [husband, sitting there, just nodding his head,has hearing-aide turned off,].... "yes dear." " Yes dear".... Unbelievable what some will do.  I'm not criticizing this decision but, just wondering what would posses some one to do such a thing....money comes to mind first, then the word "christian" would more than likely pop up.   {Just a thought}

   Oh yeah, I'm thinking the husband is going to be in for a shock when he finally realizes to what he so easily agreed with.....Imagine that first meeting?...He has no clue his wife put all this in motion and one day after a hard days work, his wife says "get ready, we have to be at the prison before visiting hours are over".......he just looks at her and says "what!"..."Prison?"..."visiting?...."who",  "what the f...!"......[Ah-Ha moment]big one!.....Gotta be a special feeling, walking up to that 6 inch glass that separates you and have your new 'family member' say,,, "hi dad!"...WOW!, Well, one thing is kind of good about the relationship, and that is you know that they will never asked to borrow the car!......

High on Crack Street- Movie review

      From the start of this movie/documentary I automatically had a Turd "loaded in the intestinal chamber."   Many memories of the endless days and nights,  A slave to that shit...But, I was never a victim.  It was and is still a choice...I blame no one but myself.  I am currently starting a magazine called "CRACK'ED TODAY."  A magazine with a issue every 4 months.  Complete with photos and up and personnel stories of the men and women who actively chase the dragon.  Who knows, you could be one.  Not interviewed that is , but chasing the dragon!. Then this magazine might be for you.  The world of addiction would introduce the staff and have such in depth articles like:..The best looking "crack house" on it's specific street.  Of course a photo of the proud "owners" with a picture of them holding a extra large check for $5.75 the winnings for that period. This family seems to be winning all the time.   In fact, that's probably because they are the only family that doesn't smoke crack!   There is always a "Ying" to a "Yang", right?  So, we would also have a "worst yard" competition.  It's pay off is much bigger.  That's only because addiction is very, very expensive. And it's hard work keeping a yard in such a state of condition.  Broken down cars and engine parts have to be moved monthly or the city considers it abandoned, and has to be moved out.  At the owners expense!!  Crazy,huh?    So, you can see it can get kind of hectic towards the end of the month...I can consider this also a "Ah-Ha moment." [ topic of Ah-Ha blog], Watching addicts try to do something in a group other than 'copping" is a real "hobo moment."

    This magazine, well actually the movie review was supposed to be the topic, [remember?]. I'll get to that at the end.  So, Hows this for the first front page edition....."Crack Whores...The problem that just won't go away"... good ..huh?....Yeah I came up with that one, can't wait until I have to go out and "interview" a few of the lovely ladies...you know, just for professional purposes....for the Magazine...Well,   Every issue will have a "chefs corner"...probably won't be too fancy, kind of like a really "liberal cook show".  That's the best way to describe it. because, come on!  How many ways can you cook ramen noodles?..!! There will be a "special section" for other cooking, hmmmmm.....lets say "ideas"....yeah that will work. But we can't print that here. It's in some kind of code, and we can't break it.....

    There would be a "daily" prisoner log, so families can be updated on family members, in fact this takes up about 75 percent of the magazine...[ah- to be a journalist!....lol lol ....]  The health Section will cover such things as " how to remove small pieces of copper[choi] from the back of your throat.  In-depth articles like "how to melt,sharpen, and hone those 5 toothbrush's into one "SHIV"..oh wait!, that's wrong.This topic is in the "handy mans corner" sorry about that...okay. where were we.... Yeah,okay got it!...Health stuff.....another in depth article would cover the healing effect that urine has on small cuts on the hands and feet.  that's pretty convenient also, because that is about where all the urine I collect during the day goes.  hands or feet....hmmm maybe that's why I never had a hand infection...wow!,  "Obama care", at the street level...lol  

     I'm debating on whether or not to bring back the "roving reporter".  The last time. When he took the van and recording equipment, we didn't find the van for three days and thank the Lord the pawn shop didn't sell any of the equipment he pawned. So that's kind of up in the air...."CRACKED TODAY"...So, what do ya think?........This magazine Will be as successful as the neighbourhood allows it to be....just like with any news-paper,or country, The community,and the people, will dictate the what is good, and what is bad. One of the wonderful gifts that God allows us...The Power of choice!  The men and women in this Documentary. They made choices every day.  Just as I had done.  When I chose right I was happy, when I chose wrong, [and knew I was doing wrong], I was sad and unhappy...hmmm funny how that worked out..

       Ya know, we all have a road we've chosen/taken.  And we must continue forward. No matter what outside influences suggest!....This documentary was sad.  The people, the area, the town(not all) just  that life.  I know.  I have lived it.  This movie has been done before, and will play over numerous times everyday, in every corner of the world, but just with different "actors.  Who knows, maybe you know someone who is using, or you could be using yourself..It's a sad unhappy life when one goes this direction,...mine was...Maybe that is why I choose to 'satire" it with this blog.  I remember the life, the pain, the fading away into nothing,or so it seemed.....If you look at the photo in this blog.  Look at the beach, the sun rising, and the outline of me...now,...put yourself there, and if you have experienced addiction and have been to the places that this documentary took us. Then you will know exactly how it feels to fade away.   ......Let go, Let God.....amazing how "THAT" works.... S.B.E.

Tomato Plant farmer [Trampdown Date log]

      He's gonna be a Tomato plant farmer!..He's gonna get him some land in Oklahoma, and grow a few acre's of tomato plants!.. That was Marathon Mans fantasy topic one night.  All he was focused on was how good a roofer he was and the other gift that God gave him was "he could grow stuff good."  That was the statement that got my attention.  I knew this was another Ah-Ha moment..I was in for some free entertainment.  Whether or not if I wanted to watch or listen...I was captive, Hostage to a hobo moment...That ever present posture one must acquire out here.  And that is "Listening!"  I knew I was in for a treat.  So, I went along for the ride and I was privy to Marathon Man's plans for one day becoming the  "Tomato King guy."  

      Now you have to picture this setting.  We live in a abandon building, next to the hospital. We "reside"outside of course, being 'high class hobo's, Marathon man and I opted for the lake view option...lol..It's about 10:00 at night, and it is very quiet where we are and the moon is full. There are large oaks and the moss at time looks like gray beards just hanging down from the these large trees.  When the wind picks up it has the appearance of 100 small beards just swinging in the tree.    So, with the element of setting and his element of cooking wine and beer, and other additives into this foray of never ending statements, which reminds me a of a [joke], A guy with OCD complains about his therapy sessions.  Saying that "I can't stand my sessions,  it's always the same thing over and over and over."...and that is how this hobo moment began.  With the same sentence at least 2-3 times and me directing him back to the original topic.  Like I said, it's entertainment. participation is required.  lol...  From a "cool cat on a Hot Tarred roof", to a Tomato plant farmer.  I guess only in America. I hope not, these type of dreams should be available to all.

   "So Marathon man, you gonna be a farmer?"..."And why does this quest to be the King of tomato's have to unfold in Oklahoma?"  The only reason I can come up with that Oklahoma would be blessed with such a "entrepreneur", is that is  closer to the 'vinyards" out in California.  Marathon Man is sort of  partial to "cooking wine", which he calls his "sherry"...I mentioned this to him , but he just sort of thought about it, and said "I never thought about that."  It was at this time I told him , "Hey, Marathon Man".   I'm going to write a story about your life and call it "The Wrath of Grapes."....Once again he gave me that look, you know when someone stops in mid-sentence talking, and sort of drops their head and turns it sideways , like a dog hearing a high pitch sound.  He said, "I've heard that some where before"., I told him," Ever hear of the book", "The Grapes of Wrath?"....Once again the "dog look", and he says.."you wrote that!!"....
     Now, I'm the one with the dog look....and after about a 5 second pause, I laughed so hard that I finally felt what it is like to pass Sprite through one's nose!  There I was, bathed in the moonlight, with the moss gently blowing in the nights air, and me with sprite running down my shirt.  Marathon Man doesn't even realize it and tells me about how he read a book, and at one time land in Oklahoma was selling for a dollar a acre...I reminded him , that was probably in the 1800's, not now....{dog look}, He says, "yeah,well I will only need a few acres , not many."..I had to keep him going or he would have passed out, so I asked him."How much do you know about farming?", Well, he knew a guy, who had a brother, who's grandfather once saw a picture of a tomato in a book.....don't worry he has it all under control......I continued with my own personnel "reality show", and asked him , what he plans on doing if he wants to drive a tractor on his "tomato kingdom."  His license is , well as you can guess, suspended.  .."the best dog look yet!"....I mean, I've never seen anybody turn their head like that, and their neck did not snap....WOW!
      I lost him on that one.  He started to drift off, and I just let him go "gently into that night'...... For a long time I would get so aggravated with his ramblings and the never ending repetitive dialogue.  In this type of situation that I am in, your emotions and feelings can go any direction you choose.  I'm done with anger. I can show indifference, which at times it "seems' that I don't care, but that is just a 'safety posture' out here...We are all entertainment for someone. we are. Look around the room you are in some time, and if you can not find the "entertainment', simply provide some.....it's what I live for.....
.Have a really Great day!! 

Blogs

 

     Soon the English language is going to dis-inherit the word "day".  It's coming, and the word to replace it will be "BLOG".  Think about it...Monblog, Tuesblog,Wednesblog, and so on and so on.  It'd be cool to say shit like..."Happy Birthblog", or singing the Happy Birthblog song, lets not even get into that!..lol ..

     Try saying that without smiling....Happy Birthblog"...Well that was just a thought,,,So, have really great blog.....

P.S..."Thanksgiving blog, Christmas Blog...we would hear statements like..."Wheres the birthblog boy?"    

I was dead

[ Observing a family, a servant of God has thoughts}     I was dead. I was in heaven. When I say dead I mean in the physical sense.  In mans world I no longer exist.   I was watching a tragedy unfold as a family struggled with the loss of a loved one.  I remember the word struggle.  I know of love, and I know of hate.  But here, I know only of love.  For hate, vengeance, sorrow, revenge are all just words.  With no meaning.  In Gods kingdom we know only love.  If you give out vengeance, you will receive such back.  This situation, that I now watch is the memory of a murder.  A loved one was murdered and now a family tries to understand.  As I have stated, revenge, I know the word.  I know of the word, but it has no meaning anymore.  God has removed that from me.  As with hate and anger, vengeance and the coveting of others, as well as material possessions.

     Faith has set me free.  Maybe that is why I am here now.  Watching this family and to remind me of what anger and hate can do.  How destructive it is not to forgive.  Even though we have been wronged, we must forgive.   This Idea came to me while I was mopping the floors at KFC one night.  I had all these negative thoughts coming into my head and was pre-occupied with how bad my situation was, and not even thinking about how others might also be having "bad days."   I do not know why this thought popped into my head, but it did.  So I stopped working and stood there for a moment.   I felt ashamed and silly.  For I was healthy and working!! My present situation is do-able,so stop all the self pity.  I realized how ungrateful I was becoming.   I knew from past experiences that I should pay attention and make a attempt to decipher this, and all I could come up with is my angry thoughts and negative self-talk that I have been running through my head these past few days..

     It never ceases to amaze me how fast I can become obsessed with what "I WANT", and if I do not get it....wow!...There must be someone to blame, can't be me!!....lol lol That's how I ended my shift a KFC that night...ashamed, and silly....The next morning I was watching some documentaries on you tube and came across some footage of families speaking to the man who had murdered their loved ones.  It was very powerful.  I wasn't much interested in the killers, or how, or even the why they did what they did.  But it was the victims and their surviving families.

     I remember watching the families speak one after the other,  and the sadness of the court room.  Except this one man , who quietly moved up to the podium.  He had a different aire about him, in his face, in his demeanor, and how well he spoke....he was calm I guess you could say.  This was after, so many before him had spoke and really let a lot of anger and aggression out on this individual.  This caught my attention...His only child was raped and murdered by this man, and he just walked up and forgave him....wow!...right in open court.   I thought how brilliant and courageous that was.

     Then I understood why this man looked and acted different than the other grieving families.  He had forgiven.  He forgave the man and it set him at a different level of peace than those who were being destroyed by hate and anger.  I believe it is justified anger, i mean, someone has been taken in a act of violence, so anger is probably nessceassy.  Where did he get that type of courage?  I mean, this defendant.  His act of violence is unspeakable, and not only to this man, but to as many as 50 families...He murdered these women for his own selfish pleasures.  Unbelievable!!..And this man just simply forgave him..   In this trial, this was probably the only moment of hope.  It was a brilliant way to gain any control back that this mans actions might have produced.  Forgiveness gave him the opportunity to take back control. This man was a very dangerous evil man, and through the whole proceedings he just sat there.  Quiet, no emotion,...until this one man forgave him....forgiveness brought this horrible man to tears..he started to sob, and then cry....Forgiveness...Hmmm...So that night in Kfc WHEN i FIRST THOUGHT OF THIS, it all made sense now....I gotta start doing a little more forgiven of others , This family, that family, any family.  We must forgive. If a father can forgive the murderer of his only child.  Then how can I hold on too "peter pan" memories?........["Gods servant watching"].......If this was my family.And I could speak with them. I would tell them to forgive.  Being in heaven , I don't know pain anymore.  Not the way I use to.................Faith has kept me in a state of hope.  and that's a good place.  It teaches me to forgive.

Willam Bonin,{Serial Killer}....Just a guy, and his van, and his murderous fantasies!!

      William Bonin: [Just a guy and his van and his murderous fantasies]..The all American guy..He{they] were really not such bad guys.  Just a little too much sugar in their diets.  Some guys go to football games or indulge in the families and friends.  Bonin just needed a different path to "express" himself.  I bet if he had the opportunity to do something like, lets say Ballet, or square dancing he might have turned out a little different.      A more productive member of society and his community.  As he stated in the movie "Sick is just a question of community standards."  I find this very true.  And fortunately the "community" that he ended up residing in had something that not everyday normal communities have..AND that is a "Death Penalty!"  LOL.. 

Richard Speck...A Romantic Comedy..!

     The charm, and boyish good looks of one of America dearest sons.  Richard Speck..We ask ourselves, why would someone with so much potential, and ability, choose to go into such a hard line of work.  The medical field.  Why else would he of ended up in a rooming house full of nurses, but obviously to get some advice and opinions on the difficulty of nursing.  Yes, he did take them one by one into a room and rape and murder them, but only after exchanging information on the hardships of nursing and a life of helping others....{maybe I'm wrong}, but maybe I'm not!.. just something to think about.

    He tried many times to change his life around, and many times he failed, sad, but true.  In the end he finally achieved the ultimate change, and that was from a mediocre man, into a wonderful voluptuous women!  What were those, D-size cups he was sporting?  So in ending, This movie made me realize that the old saying is very true.  "Two things really do come from Texas, Steers and Queers...Hmmm guess which one he was?...lol