Faces in The Crowd..[trampdown-log]

     All the faces , in all the crowds.  As the years pass, and time moves us forward.  Where have they all gone?  This last year, out here on the road, so many have come and gone like rain on a summer afternoon.  Some I remember with a smile, and then there are those that I remember with a distant stare. Faces are filled with stories and life.  Some of us wear our life and others live one.   I have been on both sides of that story.  For in someones story, I have also became just another face in the crowd.  The last year and a half living on the streets of Orlando has been in the very least, a real struggle with my inner self and the struggles of others.   It never bothered me to meet new faces, it was just when the faces began to talk and speak.  That's when [after the road had worn me down], that I would breath a heavy sigh, and my mind would drift away.
     I can never understand why so many people find it necessary to fill quiet space with needless conversation?..It's like...They always have to explain every situation or moment with a reason.....It does not!!....There are so many times I do not even know how to reply or if I even should.  A ll of us are our own individual story.  No doubt about it.  That is a fact.  But not every story needs to be told, and if it is....Please, just tell it once!!.. [thank God for mans ability to daydream].  When I see crowds of people.  I see stories.  Faces are a very good indication of the stories that reside within us.  Now, the quality of the story pretty much depends on the teller of the story.  If the face is uncreative, then the story will more than likely be a flat, boring, repetitive string of events...I'm guilty of it.  Who is not?  A good sign of a boring story is when the listener starts picking their nose or drops their pants and relives some bodily fluid...lol....
     That is a really good sign the the listener is not enjoying your story.  [actually had that happen].  Some "yarns", are like watching a very bad movie or sit-com.  You know it's bad when you actually become embarrassed for the actors.  Ever watch one of those?...If not, just watch some of Steven Segal movies...wow, I think they come with directions on his movies, so you understand why  a Ice pick is attached to the CD set, so you can at anytime start stabbing yourself in the eyes and get it over quick...[sorry Segal fans]....Just watch mainstream TV for a while.  It is full of uncreative garbage and "just another face in the crowd shows.  One will disappear and another will be right behind it.
     QUOTE: What is now new, was once old,  just made visible.....THOREAU...[paraphrased].......
    Remember when we were all teenagers and all the cool things we discovered.  Actually thinking we deserved some kind of patent on a situation or phrase we thought that we invented..Youth is a wonderful, funny road.  Being young is sort of like being another "face in the crowd".  One of the millions, in the millions of crowds.  I must of drove my parents crazy with my needless chatter, explaining everything that they already knew.  Under normal circumstances I would have more patience with others, but this last 19 months of being homeless there is nothing normal about this area of life....Not one day is normal, not one!...My life, your life, our lives, for we are just "faces in the crowd".
    So, the next time you are in a crowd, take the time to scan the faces of our fellow humans.  I might be in there some where, I'll be easy to see, I'll be picking my nose!!!   lol   have a great day..

NO SECRETS...trampdown log]

            I was standing on the edge of a highway last Saturday.  It was a typical Florida hot afternoon.  One of the many endless days I have chalked up in my wanderers logbook.  Cars coming from both directions.  Passing so close that the breeze from their momentum was a welcomed relief from the heat.  I think most people,  would prefer a fan or air-conditioner, but there is no room on my back, so I,ve learned to take my blessings where and when I can get them.....One would zip pass in one direction, while the other would speed past in the other direction....Destination's ..unknown.  Can you relate?
      Most of my adult life has been like this here highway.  Whatever I chose, I simply did.  Never caring about direction or even at times the consequence's  of the direction.  If my conscience did push upward, I would simply push it away.  That's the rules I accepted when I chose a life without faith.  Because It was always about me, what I wanted, and what I needed.  I offer no excuses, or blame to anyone, or on anyone.  I know now that is why I have stood on far too many highways with the sun in my face, or the cold seeping through, smoking cigarettes.....waiting....just waiting for the wind to encourage me on.
      There were times it was the wind, there were times it was hunger and addiction[which kind of go together], and of course there was the few times it was love.  Now there are also many types of love.  The love of a women, and the need to be touched.  I've never really minded being lonely, but it is when we feel "unloved".  That's the killer....We've all felt that sting.... The love of being free has always been strong in a wayward man.  One of the most difficult tasks of a wandering man is loving a women and loving his freedom.  It's hard, if not totally impossible.  How does one love someone, when they know that in the morning that this person could be gone?...
      There have been songs written, and sung, books and movies, and poets who have touched us all with their romantic portrayals of  a wayward  life, But reading and  watching can provide no justice to a 'open highway", more than actually living it.   Many times there is nothing romantic about it.  For how does one teach a person hunger.  How do you explain that?  Along with loneliness, and being unsure of one's self?
     All this came to me as I lite up a cigarette on a Saturday afternoon, on the edge of a highway.
S.B.E.

TOWARD THE SUN.......

TOWARD THE SUN


I FOUND YOU IN MY DREAMS LAST NIGHT
SWIMMING IN MY HEART,
WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL,GENTLE LIGHT

YOU CAME TO ME IN THE NIGHT SO YOUNG
DANCING IN MY SOUL,
WITH THE SONG YOU SUNG

NAKED AND ALONE
WE MOVED TOWARD THE SUN

HAND IN HAND
WE SLOWLY BECAME ONE

OUR LOVE WAS FOUND
WITH PATIENCE AND FAITH

AS WE WALK GODS PATH
WE WILL ALWAYS BE SAFE

SO THE MORNING COMES
AND THE  DREAM WILL FADE

BUT OUR LOVE REMAINS,
 IN THE DREAM WE MADE.......

S.B.E.

The Three Homeless Michael's...lake eola

     There we were.  A Saturday night and three Michael's sitting on a park bench.  Kind of surreal.  When I thought about it.  It made me laugh,(chuckled).  Very much a Kodak moment.  The problem is, some of the people whom I "run" with here, well... do not always get my humor.  So it's one of those hidden chuckles. But I didn't hide it well.   When they looked at me, I just pretended that I had to cough...God forbid that anyone show a softer side to others.  Gotta keep up that "macho" image.  Here we are, sitting on a park bench, homeless, broke, hungry, and dirty, but we still, well,some, not all of us, still want to portray some type of "tough guy" image..
     I always sit back and enjoy the show.  Some days it is provided by us "tramps", or sometimes the "earth people".   So, there we were, "The three Homeless Michael's".....What a goofy thought!!!!

Same life; wrong shoes

       Same life, and the Wrong damn shoes........again!

Ever have those days?  Trying to avoid all the mirrors in the house.  No sleep, no down time, no patience, and no sex!!  All that pent up anger.  "a slice of pizza with some resentment, please."  Something that will sit high in the stomach getting riper by the second...Time for some antacid.....[joke].."The Arabic version of ALKA-SELTZER is basically the same product, Just sold under a different name.  It's called."Al-qaeda-Seltzer".  Dissolved correctly, once they hit the stomach they just simply explode."..

SAME OLD LIFE;...remember that moment of clarity, when you looked at your life at one point in living and thought....shit!,these were the cards I was dealt?... "I know , I'll use trickery to achieve satisfaction"....only joking.....take it easy..... This is when we get to prove our genius as a person.
       Hardships are like a classroom, and shoes that don't fit.  When your in them, no one seems to be paying attention anyway!!...So, I just take a step back and realize, "yeah, I'm just as goofy as the guy next to me"..so. I slow down and enjoy the High....Check out the photo of one of our supposedly 'links in the chain'..., do ya think this poor guy ain't wishing he was handed some different shoes on the wheel of fortune?....I can remember when I took that photo, I was standing just underneath him and for some reason he would not look at me.  Probably wished he could get his hands around my damn neck if he could, he was just completely indifferent to me....that bastard!...mmmm...
     So, it was right about now when I was delivered a afternoon[ Ah-Ha moment.]  I started looking around the zoo, and damn if there was not alot of other things in the wrong shoes.  And I was not  just looking at the animals in the cages! It was us bi-peds that interested me.  At least we [humans] have the power to make changes and choices, but these Poor guys.  All hemmed up like that and your instinct is telling you that this is all wrong.
      You don't have to be in a cage to have the wrong shoes.  For a very long time I have been locked up in my own cage,and because of MY CHOICES, I picked the wrong shoes.  Being homeless, you have the freedom to be very mobile and there comes with that the illusion of a "romantic freedom".  You know, like they show on TV,and in movies....It is a shame that so many actually believe that if " I saw it on TV, well it must be true!"...Hate to bust another's bubble, but it is not like that at all, it is lonely, it is hard, and it feels like the title of this blog, like I have on the wrong shoes.
     So when I wake up in the morning, and get dressed, I pick my best dirty clothes, and my foot attire has changed.  I think that I'm going to start wearing my sandals, it's time for me to unlock this cage, after all, the key has always been with me, I just never took the time to find it..... 

An Honest Exchange.{trampdown log}

     I've met a few 'taxpayers" in my time out here.  Most are pretty good people.  You meet some who are good compassionate folks.  There are those who[to them],homelessness is the equal to meeting a alien from mars.  They look at you with eyes wide and there is something in those eyes that say."How could this happen to a person".  They listen, but many do not hear.  The public has been brainwashed into believing that the poor and homeless are some how responsible for the whole situation, and that is very wrong..."They got themselves into this, let them get themselves out". That one answer is always a hoot. When ever I come across statements like this I see it for what it really is and it gives me a good idea who i am dealing with.  It is just a lazy way to mask indifference.
    I remember when I would think and act like that.  Pretending to care, only because I did not care....whew!...sound's like a lot of work just to hide indifference.  That is exactly what I see in their eyes.  'Work'.  They are working hard to understand.  How can a person explain something like hunger, if you never have been hungry?  So, how do I expect someone to understand a hunger they have never felt?...You can't.  Oh, you will get a lot of "really","wow", "yes, yes" and head shaking.  That is how the verbal exchanges go, that is unless you start talking about the pertinent topics on the current situations that seem to be destroying our government.   Effecting our world and the generations that are yet to follow.  How this country is viewed by the world and how we see ourselves.  That usually throws them out of step for a minute or two.
     Out here I call this entertainment.  It's free, it's a choice, it's reality.  But most of all, it's commerical free.  Unlike cable TV.  Unless you count the advertising feces which is smeared on everything.  {new product; "HOBO-BE-GONE", TITLE OF COMING BLOG}. If you watch or listen to mainstream radio or TV.  You will be bombarded with a constant dialogue of fear.  It's  a very easy process , scare the public into thinking that they need something, show them a product, and bingo!...You got your self one "consumer".  And a consumer who will buy something that they really do not need.
    When someone approaches me out here, I am most of the time receptive to their curiosity,and the questions.  Believe me, I enjoy conversation that stimulates my brain into areas that have been sleeping.  All I ask is a Honest exchange.  Even the other homeless know when "taxpayers" are satisfying some need to make themselves feel good by "helping". 
     "Shut the fuck up", that is a Honest exchange out here on the street, wouldn't you like to just once see and hear someone tell our "elected officials" that...Just once, really.  If you did, you would have my respect and most of all, my vote!  My time being homeless is coming to a end, and soon I will be off the street[whew!],but for now, for today, I will go to Lake Eola, and meet up with my fellow travelers and enjoy some "honest exchange".  So have a wonderful day, and shut the fuck up!!....no offense!