I was dead

[ Observing a family, a servant of God has thoughts}     I was dead. I was in heaven. When I say dead I mean in the physical sense.  In mans world I no longer exist.   I was watching a tragedy unfold as a family struggled with the loss of a loved one.  I remember the word struggle.  I know of love, and I know of hate.  But here, I know only of love.  For hate, vengeance, sorrow, revenge are all just words.  With no meaning.  In Gods kingdom we know only love.  If you give out vengeance, you will receive such back.  This situation, that I now watch is the memory of a murder.  A loved one was murdered and now a family tries to understand.  As I have stated, revenge, I know the word.  I know of the word, but it has no meaning anymore.  God has removed that from me.  As with hate and anger, vengeance and the coveting of others, as well as material possessions.

     Faith has set me free.  Maybe that is why I am here now.  Watching this family and to remind me of what anger and hate can do.  How destructive it is not to forgive.  Even though we have been wronged, we must forgive.   This Idea came to me while I was mopping the floors at KFC one night.  I had all these negative thoughts coming into my head and was pre-occupied with how bad my situation was, and not even thinking about how others might also be having "bad days."   I do not know why this thought popped into my head, but it did.  So I stopped working and stood there for a moment.   I felt ashamed and silly.  For I was healthy and working!! My present situation is do-able,so stop all the self pity.  I realized how ungrateful I was becoming.   I knew from past experiences that I should pay attention and make a attempt to decipher this, and all I could come up with is my angry thoughts and negative self-talk that I have been running through my head these past few days..

     It never ceases to amaze me how fast I can become obsessed with what "I WANT", and if I do not get it....wow!...There must be someone to blame, can't be me!!....lol lol That's how I ended my shift a KFC that night...ashamed, and silly....The next morning I was watching some documentaries on you tube and came across some footage of families speaking to the man who had murdered their loved ones.  It was very powerful.  I wasn't much interested in the killers, or how, or even the why they did what they did.  But it was the victims and their surviving families.

     I remember watching the families speak one after the other,  and the sadness of the court room.  Except this one man , who quietly moved up to the podium.  He had a different aire about him, in his face, in his demeanor, and how well he spoke....he was calm I guess you could say.  This was after, so many before him had spoke and really let a lot of anger and aggression out on this individual.  This caught my attention...His only child was raped and murdered by this man, and he just walked up and forgave him....wow!...right in open court.   I thought how brilliant and courageous that was.

     Then I understood why this man looked and acted different than the other grieving families.  He had forgiven.  He forgave the man and it set him at a different level of peace than those who were being destroyed by hate and anger.  I believe it is justified anger, i mean, someone has been taken in a act of violence, so anger is probably nessceassy.  Where did he get that type of courage?  I mean, this defendant.  His act of violence is unspeakable, and not only to this man, but to as many as 50 families...He murdered these women for his own selfish pleasures.  Unbelievable!!..And this man just simply forgave him..   In this trial, this was probably the only moment of hope.  It was a brilliant way to gain any control back that this mans actions might have produced.  Forgiveness gave him the opportunity to take back control. This man was a very dangerous evil man, and through the whole proceedings he just sat there.  Quiet, no emotion,...until this one man forgave him....forgiveness brought this horrible man to tears..he started to sob, and then cry....Forgiveness...Hmmm...So that night in Kfc WHEN i FIRST THOUGHT OF THIS, it all made sense now....I gotta start doing a little more forgiven of others , This family, that family, any family.  We must forgive. If a father can forgive the murderer of his only child.  Then how can I hold on too "peter pan" memories?........["Gods servant watching"].......If this was my family.And I could speak with them. I would tell them to forgive.  Being in heaven , I don't know pain anymore.  Not the way I use to.................Faith has kept me in a state of hope.  and that's a good place.  It teaches me to forgive.