NO SECRETS...trampdown log]

            I was standing on the edge of a highway last Saturday.  It was a typical Florida hot afternoon.  One of the many endless days I have chalked up in my wanderers logbook.  Cars coming from both directions.  Passing so close that the breeze from their momentum was a welcomed relief from the heat.  I think most people,  would prefer a fan or air-conditioner, but there is no room on my back, so I,ve learned to take my blessings where and when I can get them.....One would zip pass in one direction, while the other would speed past in the other direction....Destination's ..unknown.  Can you relate?
      Most of my adult life has been like this here highway.  Whatever I chose, I simply did.  Never caring about direction or even at times the consequence's  of the direction.  If my conscience did push upward, I would simply push it away.  That's the rules I accepted when I chose a life without faith.  Because It was always about me, what I wanted, and what I needed.  I offer no excuses, or blame to anyone, or on anyone.  I know now that is why I have stood on far too many highways with the sun in my face, or the cold seeping through, smoking cigarettes.....waiting....just waiting for the wind to encourage me on.
      There were times it was the wind, there were times it was hunger and addiction[which kind of go together], and of course there was the few times it was love.  Now there are also many types of love.  The love of a women, and the need to be touched.  I've never really minded being lonely, but it is when we feel "unloved".  That's the killer....We've all felt that sting.... The love of being free has always been strong in a wayward man.  One of the most difficult tasks of a wandering man is loving a women and loving his freedom.  It's hard, if not totally impossible.  How does one love someone, when they know that in the morning that this person could be gone?...
      There have been songs written, and sung, books and movies, and poets who have touched us all with their romantic portrayals of  a wayward  life, But reading and  watching can provide no justice to a 'open highway", more than actually living it.   Many times there is nothing romantic about it.  For how does one teach a person hunger.  How do you explain that?  Along with loneliness, and being unsure of one's self?
     All this came to me as I lite up a cigarette on a Saturday afternoon, on the edge of a highway.
S.B.E.