Here I am again at the edge of a highway and that funny feeling is starting to make me nervous. I'm surprised I lasted this long, being "hemed' up with others. I haven't been in prison, or jailed, I've been "indoors." I was lucky enough to have been in the right place at the right time, and someone offered to give me a, kind of , "break from the storm", I guess you could say.......Alot of changes occur when you make a transition from the street to a house, especially after being in "trampdown" mode for 18 months...And as with all changes they come with a price. I wrote this while sitting in a coffee shop one Sunday morning as I greeted all the fellows, As they slowly made their way to shelter, for it had been raining all night, and no one was dry..
I don't know if I will ever understand why,but it is here, that I find life full of energy. It is here that I find all the simple things, extraordinary. Why is it that coffee tastes better when one is wet and cold?....Watching the rain I've come to the conclusion that is is not a bad day, it is not a good day, it is only a day....And one I have been blessed with to remain vertical....I now realize that bad days are when I just sit around, and think of what I once had, compared to what I have now. That is a dangerous place to be, because I always seem to fall short. So, I'll watch the rain this Sunday morning and enjoy something that I take for granted ,.... like rain! I'm staring at a puddle of water and my thoughts are on this balancing act I try to achieve on a daily basis. I don't know why I find it easier being outside at times, than I do when I am inside....
This is not true for every situation, but this last venture was at times chaotic and distracting. What I do not want to do is blame. That helps nothing. Blaming, pointing fingers, serves no purpose, but only reinforces the immature part of myself that seems to rely on revenge and the childish need to "always be right."....The positive, out-weighted the negative by far!..I will be forever grateful to the man who pulled myself, and two others from the fire. There are people in this world who help those who fall, and then there are those special people who reach into the fire and offer a hand, Knowing that they also might get burned. And that is the definition of courage. A lesson for us all. He gave us "all" a chance to get stable, and a break from the storm.
So, these skies will clear, and it will be time to move on. When new becomes old it is a sign for a "traveler." As the walls become closer, I step back. Always keeping my eye on the door. It must remain open for me. I must remain free to come and go as I please. I guess this is a part of that balancing thing I was talking about.. Some days I walk around looking for a story. It seems most of us are on our way somewhere. A destination, a place.
As I was writing this a friend walked up to me and said he was getting his bike fixed today and was taking off to another city, and would be returning around X-mas time....Another traveler in search of his destination. I guess that is apart of his "balancing act." I wished him luck, and to be safe. Anyone can go to a travel agency, and sign up for a bus tour. Every stop ridgely planned and timed. But, Tramps,Travelers, Wayward people, whatever you wish to call us, doesn't matter. We know the choices that we make, we are not victim's of circumstance. The ability, the creativity it takes to live in a constant "state of without", is truly a form of art....We are all artists in one way or another. Just as I believe that we are all poets in our own time. You do not have to be having "hobo moments" in your life to be creative. Open minded helps, being respectful is very important.
Ya know, the years I have spent in "trampdown mode", it never ceases to amaze me when the homeless where cruel and mean to each other. We cry out for love and understanding, but most of the times we are the last to give it to each other!! So I understand the public's view to us ...the homeless..
No matter where I end up in my life, inside or outside, rich or poor, in good health or bad health. I will always have a bit of "Tramp" in me. The word poor has taken on a whole new meaning in my life. It has nothing to do with money or anything material. That cold, wet, morning when I wake up and have a simple cup of hot coffee to drink, and look around to see my fellow travelers, smiling, greeting me, shaking my hand, just showing a honest concern for me, It is here that I know I am a wealthy man. Who would of thought...from a "Barstool Guru" to a "Happy hobo."...wow!...
Only God could have done this....Nobody will tell me different!..........
So ends today's Trampdown log.....GOD BLESS!!
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